As a sophomore in college, a teenager still, what do I know about love, right? Admittedly not that much. But I do know what it’s like to get out of a rocky relationship and be emotionally damaged. It’s a feeling I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. My senior year of high school I ended my relationship of almost two years (my first real relationship). It had its problems from the very start but it had taken a turn for the worst somewhere around the year marker. When I was finally able to say goodbye, I still battled with how my life would go on without that person. I cried for a good week, not knowing if I had made the right decision. Eventually, I realized I had and I thought it would end there. It didn’t. Without completely airing my dirty laundry for all to read, let’s just say for about a year after the breakup, I was constantly being harassed. It ended, finally, a little while ago but I have still been battling with moving forward in the love aspect of my life. I lived in constant fear that if I started talking to anyone, my ex would do something bad either to me, the other guy, or himself. I couldn’t let anyone be hurt on my behalf. I’m still also scared that any relationship I get into will be like the last. And so I basically took a love hiatus that has lasted almost two whole years now. After I started college everyone wanted to know, did you meet someone, are you talking to anyone? I would always say no, fuck boyfriends, I like my freedom too much. Which is true. I don’t like answering to anyone and having to tell them what I’m doing, who I’m with. I’m also in college and I like to go out whenever I want to and no one is going to tell me I can’t. So that was my answer. But in the last few days, I’ve come to a realization: I am ready.
Honestly, I’m sick of being lonely. I want someone to talk to, someone to care about. I am, however, not willing to give up a social life for one and so someone who is trusting (& trustworthy!) is key. The only problem now is meeting someone. I can be pretty picky when it comes to the opposite sex and on top of that, I’m incredibly shy. So the problems are there but hopefully being open and ready will bring good people my way.
I am still afraid but I’m so much stronger now. You have no idea how good it feels to say that. Maybe this is one part of growing up and maturing. I like to think so.