Dating in a social media world

The article, This Is How We Date Now by Jamie Varon published on Thought Catalog was written in 2014, but today someone shared it on my timeline and after reading it, I had to share it as well. It is a truly eye-opening glimpse into what dating is like for the social media driven generation. How unfortunate is it that we are constantly comparing ourselves to the false reality people make for themselves online to the point where we feel like our relationships aren’t good enough?

Varon talks about how apps like Tinder allow us to order people like we order food delivery and how this has started a seemingly endless cycle of boredom -> instant gratification -> boredom -> on to the next one, and so on and so forth.

The quote below was particularly shocking because it is not something you ever would admit you do, but when you read it like this, you realize that we want this “buffet” of choices so badly that we actually put down the good thing that is right in front of us.

“We want the beautiful cut of filet mignon, but we’re too busy eyeing the mediocre buffet, because choice. Because choice. Our choices are killing us. We think choice means something. We think opportunity is good. We think the more chances we have, the better. But, it makes everything watered-down. Never mind actually feeling satisfied, we don’t even understand what satisfaction looks like, sounds like, feels like. We’re one foot out the door, because outside that door is more, more, more.”

I urge you all to read the article in its entirety, especially if you are dating right now. I think we sometimes – myself included –try so hard to make our relationship seem so perfect to other people in the form of relationship statuses and pictures so that these others will think we are leading a perfect life. But why? Instead of trying to make it seem like we are leading the perfect life, why do we not actually try to make that a reality?

Varon puts it perfectly. “Living our lives in 140 characters, 5 second snaps, frozen filtered images, four minute movies, attention here, attention there. More as an illusion. We worry about settling, all the while making ourselves suffer thinking that anything less than the shiny, happy filtered life we’ve been accustomed to is settling. What is settling? We don’t know, but we fucking don’t want it. If it’s not perfect, it’s settling. If it’s not glittery filtered love, settling. If it’s not Pinterest-worthy, settling.”

As a entire society, how do we squash the feeling that we are settling because we don’t look as perfect as that one couple does on Instagram? Are we completely doomed as a generation?


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